JKP...From The Roots Up

How can a “square” outreach to those that might not have the resources or the “hood” folks?

Answer is, they don’t or they can’t

This is something I always question. By no means am I hating on squares, but let’s face it, must hood niggas won’t even talk to squares in the society we live in

Their lifestyles are different, the culture is different, the way of viewing life is different.

I ain’t saying I’m a square nor am I saying I am a hood nigga, but I always question how could folks effectively reach out to those that might need the resources.

I understand the whole meet me half way shit, but sometimes they don’t know they got to meet you half way.

Why is it that it’s so easy to outreach through authority figures and such yet when we see kids outside cutting class and doing drugs some people hesitate and don’t approach them? Because they’re not comfortable or use to those types

I notice that a lot of the kids that I do help out are in some ways college bound or more well off than others. Sure financially theyre in trouble, but there’s more than just that for those that actually live the hood life.

The ones we should target are those that wouldn’t even think of applying or doing it because they think it’s “gay” or “Boosie” or waste of their times.

We can do way more to help others. What we need is more people to step up. It’s a cycle, gotta break it.

Maybe I’m just bias, but I def know some of those people are some I wouldn’t have kicked it with in high school

We need to effectively reach out to those that have given up and wouldn’t even try…. I use to be one of em, but that doesn’t mean I can do it effectively also….

The struggles of tryin to help those in need…..

Ain’t that something

If you project your voice and state your opinion, and express, you’re too into yourself and your ego

However if you’re too quiet and don’t speak up, then you’re too weak and too soft….

Make up your mind society

I don’t baby people

Sorry if I appear heartless or not as supportive at times. People need to realize that not everyone is going to be able to give you that type of attention, but that doesn’t mean they don’t love you

Am I harsh at times? Sure. Is it cause I care and love ya? Yes

Maybe it’s just the way I was raised up, but I truly think sometimes one should just try to do it on their own and learn from the failures.

Other people have it harder than you, get up.

Ironic that I’m a social welfare major lol

I’m not rich

don’t assume just cause i have on jays, a fitted caps everyday, and clothes with brands like northface and etc that I am well off or even near that.

Truth is I get by. It is my own personal choice to dress in the clothes I chose to dress in and also the price tags that come along with it. That doesn’t mean I don’t know how it is to be poor or in poverty.

Truth is, my family still living in poverty, though the clothes, the way we act might mask our financial burdens, one shouldn;t judge on appearance alone.

No lie, a lot of the shit I was able to afford was due to hustling my own way to make money. A portion of it might be financial aid, but I did other shit to make money too..

Now you ask why don’t I invest in my family?

Well I do….. IDK, Judge me as being spoiled, as being well off, you don’t know me, and I’m fine with that

You can’t be racist unless you have power

A interesting and critical opinion that came out of a conversation between my GSI and I.

My argument was that communities of colors are some of the most racist ones. I mean come on, we talk hella shit about other races. From bing bings to wetbacks to burnt ass niggas. To which he replied that they can’t be racist if they don’t have power.

That got me really thinking about power dynamics and who could be called a racist. It makes you think alot about our own perception and how power, race, and the intersectionality of it all could be influenced…. Community of color don’t have power, till this day we are being indoctrinated into one aspect of social normativity

Racism = Power

Goal For This Year/ Rest of My Life

Stay Sane

Check Yourself

Challenge Norms

Revive Social Life

Enjoy Life

Make Memories

Get/Stay Fit/Healthy

Realize Self Worth

Think Critical/Open

To Be Continued….

“Used to be runnin through my mind, now you’re joggin, now you’re just walkin, and footsteps lightly, until they start to fade away, and all I hear is silence”

Dear _________,

What happend to you? What happend to me? What happend to us?

I miss you soo much. Though it feels as though my grasp over you is slowly slipping away, every time I stress, every time I feel like giving up, all i do is think of you and how much you’ve been through and how hard you fought to stay here…..

You were always the only person to make me show these emotions, these emotions I try so hard to hide and run away from. These tears I try so hard to hide with a smile and a quick wipe of my sleeves. These quivers that I try so hard to control as I put on a front of laughter to show that I don’t give a fuck and that life is a joke.

Truth is, I’m afraid of life…. I’m afraid of myself….. I’m afraid of what I can or can’t amount to. I wish you were still here to hug me, to feed me, to make me feel like “me.” Everytime I try to write how I feel about you, all that comes out are tears flowly freely down on my keyboards until I pause to wipe them away… Like right now….

You told me to be soo strong yet I am so weak. You told me to respect others and never do bad to others, yet I feel that I hate everyone and the world soo much at times.

I hated YOU especially for leaving. How the fuck can I hold this grudge? I don’t even know. You don’t know how much I miss you… How much I miss my family was when we were intact. I’m so tired…… So tired of living….. So tired of saying everything is ok, when nothing is…. I just want to be with you, I just want to be able to hear that everything is ok and that you’ll lecture me about doing good in school and to stay away from the bad stuff…

I feel as though I haven’t done shit to make you proud. I’m so worthless and it hurts even more that you’re not here to reassure me. I regret so much that I never opened up to you in person. That I never got the courage to tell you how much you meant to me. Instead all I ever did was just kept it in until it was too late and then just like dust, you’re gone. You never got to see me graduate high school, or even knew that I got into CAL. Shit you probably wouldn’t even know what the fuck CAL and college was.

You always lived a simple and happy life, and I admired that most about you. While everything seemed like it was fucked up, you stayed calm, you stayed sane, you showed me that everything was going to be alright.

Fuck I hate crying these tears writing to you. I hate seeing you in so much pain, and I’m glad that you don’t have to hurt anymore, but fuck. Why the fuck did you have to leave? Before I could even become somebody, before I could even show you how I would be with a family and kids of my own. I hated you for so long for not fighting like you always do. When the fuck did you become tired? You were always the one to not complain and keep pushing.

Everyone loved you, the whole community respected you. You raised me as if I was your own son. I can never show you enough how much you mean to me, how much I hurt when you left. I cried for a week straight when you left. That was the only time I ever cried that hard.

I miss it, I miss you. I need you. Even if we don;t talk about life, just being next to you, sitting next to you is all I ask for. I regret not spending your last final days with you. I was so stupid to not have known that earlier. 

Damn, it’s been so long, since 8th grade that you left me. Yet, here I am, going to be a senior in College, and once again, when I think of you, the tears come down as if you just died yesterday. 

I’m happy with my life, grandma, but I can’t do this without you. I don’t think I can ever fully enjoy life without you still here. You were the foundation that kept everything stable. All i could do is contemplate about how disappointed you probably are about the choices I have made in life.

Why did you have to suffer so much when you were alive? Why did you, who I always knew as my savior and beacon of joy have to go through so much pain before you finally fell asleep forever? All those countless surgeries, dialysis, and doctors office visit, just made me hate whatever entity in the higher sky that made good people suffer so much.

I miss you…….. I miss you…….. I miss you…….

I’m going on with my life with only memories that I have of you….. Memories that I wish could include more……

I love you……. I’ll try my hardest to make you proud……. I’ll try my hardest to not cry 

- Your Grandson